Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jessica Cooper's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 12th, 2009
1:43 am	Stolen quiz from Kelly Um... I think that's actually a pretty good description of me. Current Mood: sick
Inject the poison
Monday, September 21st, 2009
6:33 pm	We never are what we intend, or invent  So, first 20 or so pages of the book. This is kind of a big deal for me to post this because I never let anyone see my writing, ever. So please be nice! This isn't proofread or edited, basically just freewriting. Don't say I didn't warn you.              It was a crisp night, in the strange conversion of seasons somewhere between summer and fall. In the center of town sat a small coffee shop, known generally only to locals, in which it had been said many times that the best cup of coffee could be found. This shop would never be found in a tour book; it was dark, and though it contained ornate decoration it was well worn and tattered. A girl sat at the bar waiting for her drink to be made. She tapped her slender fingers on the slick, dark wood of the bar. Behind the coffeemaker a barista stood impatiently, watching the coffee drip slowly into the porcelain cup. He listened to the patter of her nails, and with each tap he shook slightly. The girl saw him in the corner of her eye, and stopped suddenly. ( Sorry, there's no title yet )
Inject the poison
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
5:17 pm	I don't feel at all like I fall  well all the apostles-they're sitting in swings saying "i'd sell off my savior for a set of new rings and some sandles with the style of straps that cling best to the era" so all of the businessers in their unlimited hell where they buy and they sell and they sell all their trash to each other but they're sick of it all and they're bankrupt on selling and all of the angels they'd sell off yer soul for a set of new wings and anything gold they remember the people they loved their old friends and i've seen through'em all seen through'em all and seen through most everything all the people you knew were the actors all the people you knew were the actors well, i'll go to college and i'll learn some big words and i'll talk real loud goddamn right i'll be heard you'll remember all the guys that said all those big words he must've learned in college and it took a long time i came clean with myself i come clean out of love with my lover i still love her loved her more when she used to be sober and i was kinder Current Mood: irate
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Saturday, September 5th, 2009
2:50 am	New Song- Pieces  I thought there’d be one person who’d always be there And I thought that I knew that you would always care And though we talk every night on the phone It’s never the same because I’m always alone   So I pleaded with God over and over again And I prayed for the one thing that would put me back together And you say that you love me And you say that we’re fine But there’s a girl in the middle who’s changing your mind   Well I can’t be fixed with the flip of a switch And my pieces can’t be soldered together A simple routine won’t change what I’ve seen And I never ever want to remember   We talked on the phone For the first time in months and I thought that I could fix the situation But when you got home I cried all alone Because I knew that we’d never be together   Because I can’t be fixed with the flip of a switch And my pieces can’t be soldered together A simple routine won’t change what I’ve seen And I never ever want to remember   I was frozen and cold and you lit up a spark And you thawed me until I felt something But I let you back in and we started again And I ended up left with nothing Now my hearts freezing over And you’ve shattered me to shards And no matter what I do I’m not mended You tried to fuse the pieces With the lies that I needed But I knew all along we were ended   Now I can’t be fixed with the flip of a switch And my pieces can’t be soldered together A simple routine won’t change what I’ve seen And I never ever want to remember And he’s cute and he’s perfect The blessing of life And it’s everything that I ever wanted But you don’t belong to me And I’m starting to see that All I’m left with is your ghost and I’m haunted
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2:05 am	Just ask the question, come untie the knot, say you won't care  "We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head." We could live through these letters or forget it all together See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away Just ask the question come untie the knot Say you won't care, say you won't care Retrace the steps as if we forgot Say you won't care, say you won't care Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt And there's one thing I can do nothing about When all that we need is just a reaction It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore If chasing our dreams is just a distraction I want to remember when I know that I can't go back Just ask the question come untie the knot Say you won't care, say you won't care Retrace the steps as if we forgot Say you won't care, say you won't care Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt There's one thing I can do nothing There's one thing I can do nothing There's one thing I can do nothing about. Just ask the question (just ask the question) come untie the knot Say you won't care, say you won't care Retrace the steps (retrace the steps) as if we forgot Say you won't care, say you won't care Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt And there's one thing I can do nothing There's one thing I can do nothing There's one thing I can do nothing about. Today marks the 6th time this year that I've cried, and when I say this year I'm counting from last september to now. The first time was when I admitted my lapse in sobriety to Shawn. The second time was when I admitted my feelings to Shawn and he ever so politely walked away. The third time was when Kyle broke up with me the day before my birthday. The fourth time was when I found out that Darby was engaged. The 5th time was last weekend when I almost died and was ridiculously scared. And this time...  I don't do emotions, ever. I feel fear, and anger, and wrath. And that's it. I laugh when things are funny, because I know they are supposed to be funny. I feign emotional involvement in relationships. And when I'm supposed to be sad, I'm sad. Nothing ever really penetrates. Nothing effects me ever. I don't know why. Everybody says I don't have a heart, but I swear there's one in there somewhere. It's frozen, and once in a blue moon someone penetrates the ice and it begins to thaw. And once it starts thawing, there's no stopping it. It's an avalanche of emotions that I never get to feel. And then they hurt me, and I'm closed off. I freeze again. And there's no knowing when I'll get to feel again.  I was in love once, and it was so strong and so beautiful that it didn't feel real. Every day of my life was a fantasy. It was just like they described it: I didn't want to go to sleep at night, because real life was better than my dreams. I was so in love with Tom, and I never wanted it to end. And we got in a fight, and I told him I wanted him to die. And he did. I still blame myself for what happened that night, and four years later I'm still not over it. Everything shut off after that. The only thing that got through was hate and anger. I was shut off from the world, locked in my own little shell. But I learned to fake it. I learned to smile, to laugh at things that could never touch me. I learned the facial expressions and tone of voice required to feign sympathy. And everything about me became fake, except for my anger. I was a tangled mess of vindiction and wrath. And if you crossed me... you learned to never mess with me again. I broke up relationships for fun. I ruined reputations because someone made a snide remark. I was so angry for so long, all because I didn't want anyone to feel anything that I couldn't. I didn't want anyone to be happy if I couldn't, and I didn't want anyone to feel love if I couldn't experience it. Years passed, and friendships came and went. I never felt any of the losses. Best friends stabbed me in the back and walked out of my life, and my reaction to that was one of stoic numbness. But I hurt so many people, and eventually it came back to me. Eventually it was my life that was being intruded on. It was my reputation that was being corrupted. There was so much wrong with me. I hit rock bottom so many times I learned to bring a shovel with me. I don't even know what stopped it. I woke up one day, and saw my life was a convoluted series of lies and manipulations. And I realized that this wasn't an epiphany for me; I knew all along the hole I was digging myself into. And I cherished it. It was safe there, and warm. If I never let anyone see the real me, then I would never get hurt again. I would never experience loss again.  But I had let someone see the real me. I had let him in on all of this. He knew that I couldn't feel anything, and he knew that deep down there was something drastically wrong with me. And he accepted it. And he loved to mess with me; to insult me, to push me. And I realized that when he did those things, as messed up as it was, I was feeling something. I was experiencing joy, and exhileration. And I was in love. I never thought I was going to feel that way again. I thought that my heart really was gone, and that nothing could get it back. I found myself going to him more and more, simply to feel something. We talked every day, sometimes stayed on the phone for hours not even saying anything. He had issues too. He was a little broken boy who liked to drink. I would get phone calls at 2, 3 in the morning, and the voice on the other line would barely be recognizable through the drunken slurs. But I stayed with him through everything.  Even when we fought I felt more alive than I had in years, because I was feeling something. And boy did we fight. Screaming matches, and angry text messages, and clicks on the other end of the line. But it didn't matter whether or not I hated him for the things he said and did, because I loved him. It was powerful, and it was dangerous. I let him in to the darkness in my heart, and he brought with him a torch. And every day felt better, just knowing that at the end of it I would get to talk to him and to feel something, if only just an evanescent spark.  And then one day, we stopped talking. I am a master at playing games. I never hesitated to perfect my craft, and every move I make is as calculated as a move in a chess game. Even if I'm not aware that the things I'm saying are planned, my subconcious knows. Sometimes I will find myself at the end of a conversation, not even realizing that I had spent the entire time manipulating someone. But everyone has a line. Everyone has a point of no return. I can twist and warp anyone to do anything. I can say anything I want, make someone as angry as I want, and in a second make them love me again. But there is this certain point where you say or do something, and it cannot be fixed. I knew that he was involved with someone else. Because he lived so far away, we were never exclusive. I don't even know what we were. And I didn't know just how involved they were. And I hated her so much- I still do. Every day I took it one step further, pushed him one step closer to the line. I played with his head just to see if I could get the same reaction I knew that she was.  But one day I met that line. And it wasn't as though I tiptoed over the line, or slowly dipped my toes in to test the waters. I shattered it into pieces so tiny even I couldn't find them again. And he abandoned me. It was Tom all over again. But this time it was worse. When Tom left me it was because he died. I knew there was no way we would ever be apart if he hadn't departed. But this boy, this stupid little broken boy didn't die. He wasn't even sick. He just cared too much about his stupid girlfriend to let their relationship be jeopardized. Well, fiance as it turns out. He said that he was in love with me, and that he wanted everything that I wanted; a life together, maybe even a family. He still says he wasn't lying. And I couldn't understand why. If he loved me so much, why wouldn't he leave her? I thought she was just something to keep him busy, something to fuck, and I was what he really wanted at the end of the day. But if I was what he really wanted, then why wasn't I the one he was with? Distance is a factor, but never an end game. If you love someone enough, nearly anything can be overcome. It just appeared as though I wasn't worth it.  And I froze again. I had been opening up, there were cracks in my shell that he meticulously chisled. And in one conversation he fused them back together, and I was gone again. I had gotten better. I wasn't hurting people anymore. I was starting to feel things again. And in one sweeping movement he ended it, it all came crashing down. I took up my shovel in preparation of the crash, and when I hit rock bottom I just started digging in deeper. For 5 years he had been bringing me slowly back to myself, to the way I was supposed to be. When I laughed, it was sincere. I even felt empathy sometimes. But after that day I didn't feel anything. I moved through life as a ghost, hidden in my shell away from anything real. For seven months I was a shadow of my former self. I dated, but I was never invested. I kissed, but never felt the fire behind it. I was involved, but never felt the passion. I was broken up with because I couldn't feel anything for them. I slipped further into the darkness, and did nothing to halt my progress.  I never stopped trying to talk to him. I was spacedly persistant. Every month or so I would get desperate for a hit, for a spark of emotion, and I would attempt to contact him. And eventually he gave in. And now we talk. And now I function. And we are friends. And I can't do it. I'm still in love with him, and he knows it. And he does nothing about it. And I can't feel anything for anyone other than him. And I hate her more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. And I'm broken. And I don't think I can be mended this time, because I'm fairly certain he won't even try. So I cry.
Take the needle| Inject the poison
Monday, August 17th, 2009
1:22 am	Pretty people are more interesting Okay, so I'm stealing Kelly's idea and doing a post of the women I think are the most attractive/hot/pretty. Also, there are other things happening in my life, but I'm too lazy to write about them now. ( More pretty people... )
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Friday, August 14th, 2009
9:44 pm	How Abnormal Are You? You Are 76% Abnormal You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
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Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
3:51 am	You’ll catch on eventually I don’t have the patience for it anymore You’ll miss the concern and the phone calls I won’t miss these acerbic lies of yours   Cause he’ll catch on eventually Turns out it wasn’t about you after all I wouldn’t let it be affected by nonexistent feelings But you’d easily reject me cause you were too self centered to know   I’m giving up, I’m walking out It’s not enough to keep me here anymore So tell yourself it’s not your fault A little truth Means a lot less slammed doors It’s not goodnight So say goodbye I’ll tear it from you if I have to These ending words My sweet release From all the things I would do to you   You always tried to teach me All the things you never did An unaccomplished mentor At avoiding games like this   But sweetheart you don’t know Who you’re up against I’ve perfected my craft enough That I know when to quit   I’m getting out Not giving in I can’t believe What you’d do to avoid me So say best friends Until the end I’ll say goodbye Cause I’m ending this tonight [Who wants to guess who this is about. It's really not that difficult, I promise. I'm tired of being lied to about stupid stuff. If you don't want to see me then don't say you have work when you don't. If you don't want to talk about your girl problems, then don't bring them up in front of me then bitch when I show concern. If you don't want to go on vacation with me because you think I still have feelings for you, then you really need to get over yourself. And if you want to be my friend instead of my adversary, then stop fucking lying. Just saying.]
Inject the poison
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
2:01 am	Time to get my hands dirty I'm tired of playing nice. The bitch is back. You want me to stop lying to myself? You have no idea what you've unleashed, because I take pleasure in tearing people like you down. It's time to play my favorite game, time to do what I do best. I look forward to you begging for mercy. Blood to follow.
Inject the poison
Sunday, May 31st, 2009
5:35 am	Oh, it's so very late. I didn't get home until 5. And somehow our bill from the hookah bar was 60 dollars, which was completely ridiculous because the people who work at Prince are dicks, and we really only went there because we were in Georgetown at 1 in the morning with nothing to do. Points for being up late enough to watch Inuyasha, but I would prefer Cowboy Bebop because I haven't seen that in probably a year. Okay so since my zombie movie marathon (inspired by an awesome zombie apocalypse dream I had last night, which was THE BEST DREAM EVER which I totally didn't want to end. Seriously, it was boss. Also, Captain Jack from Torchwood was in it, so serious amounts of bonus points for him randomly showing up) did not happen today because of plans, I'm definitely doing a ZMM tomorrow. I'm thinking that I can do two slow-moving-zombie movies, and two fast-moving-zombies, aka "holy shit when did zombies start running". But since I have to study for a test I might have to limit myself. But it has been entirely too long since I've seen Dead alive, so this must happen. Bee tee dubs, dead alive (not to be confused with evil dead, which is also amazing and chock full of bruce cambelyness) is a totally amazing zombie movie from new zealand, directed by Peter Jackson. So, if you want to see his pre LOTR goodness, and also watch a man literally mow down (law mower, I shit you not) an entire room of zombies, check it out. Well I suppose it's time for bed now. Night all. xoxo -J Current Music: Wilco- "The Lonely 1"
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Thursday, May 28th, 2009
4:44 am	Your heart felt good, it was dripping pitch and made of wood Okay so I forgot something and I'm too lazy to edit. I'm kidnapping myself and forcing myself to go somewhere that involves either a beach, or snow. I think this time of year snow is only available in alaska, therefore I must head to alaska. Not really, but I just got a really random craving for snowboarding. I think it's because I only got to go once this year since I got le injured on a ridiculously icy blue slope. But the beach sounds nice too, especially since I haven't done anything water related since florida. I want to go surfing now, k? It peeves me incredibly that my dad spent ten years in Hawaii making surfboards, but he refuses to make one for me. Not fair! Hmm. I think I can handle the resin if he sands it for me... but he'll never make me one because surfing isn't safe. As though he didn't spend every day in double and triple overhead conditions on the north shore... it's a double standard I tells ya.   I think I see the first inclination of the sun coming up, which means I should probably attempt sleep. Night all, xoxo Current Mood: silly Current Music: Wilco- "I am trying to break your heart"
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4:07 am	Oderint Dum Metuant So, I have decided that I definitely have the most sporadic circadian rhythms of anyone on the planet. True fact. I attend class Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, from 10:30 to 12:50. This means that on those days I have to wake up at 8:30 at the latest. But every other day of the week I stay up usually until 5, then sleep in until 2 or 3. I attribute this to the fact that I feel as though my summer is being stolen from me by stupid classes and I feel as though I need to cram as much activity as I can into the few days I have off. Speaking of the evil math class, guess who got an 85% on her test? Was it me? Fuck yes. I am proud to say that I am one of only 5 people to get a B on that test, while 12 people got F's. Yay me! The room is going to be fantastically awesome once it is done. It is, despite the awful mess which has resulted from cleaning, in all likely hood the cleanest it has been since I moved into it. It makes me super happy. So now I just have to deal with the rest of the crap, hook the old computer up again so I can play RO and stuff, and paint. I can't wait for the painting! No longer will I be confined to the drab and dreary existence that is an entirely white room. So I'm thinking the wall behind my bed is going to be pink (the one with the window if you've been in my room), and the trim around the floor, doors, and windows is going to be either the same shade of pink, light green, or light blue. Fair warning to my less preppy friends: this room will ooze with preppyness if it kills me. It is rather depressing currently however, because I've had to remove the wall of hotness, the Sex Pistols shrine, and all of my posters and pictures from photo class. So essentially my room is entirely devoid of personality, which in retrospect I do not actually mind that much considering the trouble my outgoing personality and penchant for drinking a little too much has gotten me into lately. Which reminds me, sorry about Chris's party for anyone who was witness to my antics while I was outrageously drunk. Seriously, I never get hangovers, and I was hungover for about two days. I epic fail in that regard, and I'm pretty sure I told at least one guy there that I was still madly in to them. Dear God, I hope it wasn't Kyle. Actually, I hope I was just dreaming the whole thing. This is probably the longest post I've done in a long time. I've started a new book, inspired by one of the most fucked up dreams I've had lately (which was amazing and fantastic and really, really dirty.) So it's all magic and murder and outrageous amounts of blood and poo your pants scariness from here on out. It's going to be fantastic, really. And, in writing this book I have officially found a way to link the majority of my previously written books (I should say previously somewhat written books) together. That means basically anything with my wonderful character Charlotte O'Reiley (Charlie), which is fantastic because I've been trying to find a way to bring them all together into a series. So, think like, Harry Potter and a bunch of other magic related books, and a little bit of Lovecraft, Poe, and Caligula, place in blender and mix in a ridiculous amount of blood, gore, and naughty activities, then hit puree. Speaking of writing, people are still completely convinced that I'm going to abandon my plans of attending medical school and become a writer, because it's what I was meant to be. Since when was being an author a more stable and realistic plan then attending medical school? This is namely from my parents, who think that my natural talents are going to waste. To which I say have you ever seen my biology work? I may be proficient at writing, but I kick ass in biology. Besides, I get writers block like nobody's business. Hmm, what else is new? Oh, new Placebo song, "For what it's worth" is fucking amazing. Ok, so I guess there's a lot of songs right now that are fucking amazing, so here's my current "listen to this" playlist. Anberlin- "The feel good drag" The Black Keys- "Thickfreakness" Bob Dylan- "Subterranean homesick blues" Brand New- "Degausser" The Fratellis- "Flathead" The Hives- "Tick tick boom" Hot Hot Heat- "Goodnight goodnight" and "Let me in" Lady Gaga- "Beautiful, dirty, rich" Little Jackie- "The world should revolve around me" (bee tee dubs, this song essentially describes my life) Modest Mouse- "3rd Planet" (current favorite song of theirs), "Gravity rides everything" My Chemical Romance- "Desolation Row" (totally amazing cover) Placebo- "For what it's worth" Radiohead- "High and dry" The Rolling Stones- "Paint it black" Social Distortion- "Ring of fire" (another amazing cover) The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- "Gold lion", "Black tongue" Current Mood: awake Current Music: "3rd Planet"- Modest Mouse
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Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
12:56 am	Take our hands out of control Okay, wow, a lot has happened since I posted last. Mostly because I never post anymore. But since I am currently working on my Torchwood fanfic I figured I might as well take a break to update my wonderful friends on LiveJournal. Okay, so here's the big stuff in a nice little list format. -Got a 4.0 for my spring semester, which means a 3.9 combined - Doing summer session, precalc 1 for the first 6 weeks, precalc 2 and yoga for the last 6 weeks - I have whittled down my college transfer picks to UVA, William and Mary, and Tech, in that order currently. But if the economy improves there will probably be many out of state schools added to that list - I've decided to apply for admission at an Ivy, probably Yale, just to see what happens. Because I get bored. - Summer session sucks btw - Omg, Gossip Girl season finale was amazing - WTF, why did fox cancel Terminator:TSCC - I just finished the second season of Torchwood, and I'm completely addicted. It doesn't help that Captain Jack is incredibly awesome and extremely attractive. But so was Owen, emphasis on the "was". Fanfic is being written currently. - I went to visit tech, had a very scary nightmare while I was there, but the campus was beautiful - STAR TREK WAS FREAKING AWESOME! Sorry, I spazzed with the Caps a little there. But seriously, I can't stop talking about it, and I really want to see it again in theaters. Okay, so Chris Pine did an amazing job as Kirk, I totally thought he was going to try and impersonate "The Shat", which we all know would have turned out horribly. Also, he is completely gorgeous. I don't like blue eyes, but they are totally amazing. I also don't like guy butt, but oh my god does he have a fantastic booty. - There is much drama now, which is funny because I should be the one pissed, yet everyone seems to be angry at me. Funny how it tends to turn out that way - My headband collection is getting ridiculously large. I think I have at least 20 now. It is fantastic - Gosh, what else. Oh, the boyfriend and I got back together. But then we broke up again. It's complicated, but I refuse to lose this time. Mom says playing games isn't good for you, but I say nothing fun is. - I'm quitting smoking. Yay. Not really. - Relative to previous bullet, I will also be running again soon, despite the fact that I still have a pinched nerve in my leg. I will deal, I suppose. I refuse to gain that 40 pounds back. Can't really think of anything else now, but I'm sure I will in a few days. Bye for now XOXO Current Music: "Gold Lion"- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
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Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
1:17 am	It's before and after time kiddos. Okay, so we all know breakups suck. Especially if they are unwarranted and completely final. So I thought it might be funny to do a before and after post. As in, the types of songs I was writing before and after the breakup. See if you can spot the difference. Here's our before, written about 2 weeks into the relationship 9 AM Friday Mornings: It’s funny how three hours on the phone Feels like nothing with you And still when I get you alone There’s so much I need to say to you So many secrets So many lies They all melt away when I look in your eyes   So what does it mean? When you’re dancing with me When I sink in your arms And I’m yours And what is the goal When I hand over control And I show you my soul Baby I’m all yours   It’s funny how we act when we aren’t home And you never see how I really am But baby when I get you all alone I’m going to show you exactly where I stand So many secrets From so many lives They all go away when I melt in your eyes   Cause I didn’t know You were all that I wanted But I gave you a chance Now you’re all that I want, yeah   So what does it mean? When you’re singing with me All the old songs that we both know And I’m yours The lyrics The sway And it’s all in the way that Baby, I’m all yours (This one is not done, but it is most likely that it never will be now) And here's our after, written tonight. Bobby: Lonely up late nights, Waiting and wishing It was you by my side, It was me you were kissing. If only for one second I showed you my doubt, Then I gave you permission To throw me out   But I gave you my heart And I gave you my hand And I willingly let you guide me Through this uncharted land And I gave you my hope And you tore it apart And you’re stuck at the end While I’m back at the start   It was an ultimatum I wish I hadn’t said And I’d take it all back But it’s seared in your head And I hold the blowtorch While you cling to the key But I can’t escape from my feelings If you won’t set me free   Well I gave you my trust And you broke me in two Now while one half is still lingering The other says we’re through I’ll be gone for a while And I won’t come back strong Because every intuition says You lied all along   So I’m alone in my bed But my heart just won’t rest Cause I gave you the answers And you still failed the test It was a simple demand I had made all along While all of this time I still felt I didn’t belong   Singing on the outside only, Screaming on the inside lonely For a joyous reprieve, Something to make you believe. Past the higher levels, Down and out I have whispered before now I’ll shout it out loud   But I gave you my heart And I gave you my hand And I willingly let you guide me Through this uncharted land And I gave you my hope And you tore it apart And you’re stuck at the end While I’m back at the start Current Mood: sad
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Thursday, March 12th, 2009
1:59 am	<3 So, it's a work in progress, i.e. not finished yet, but here we go. New boy, and there's issues with his mom cause she's a total control freak but that's a story for another post. Anyway, new boy, really like him, here's a song I wrote about the situation- It’s funny how three hours on the phone Feels like nothing with you And still when I get you alone There’s so much I need to say to you So many secrets So many lies They all melt away when I look in your eyes   So what does it mean? When you’re dancing with me When I sink in your arms And I’m yours And what is the goal When I hand over control And I show you my soul Baby I’m all yours   It’s funny how we act when we aren’t home And you never see how I really am But baby when I get you all alone I’m gonna show you exactly where I stand So many secrets From so many lives They all go away when I melt in your eyes   Cause I didn’t know You were all that I wanted But I gave you a chance Now you’re all that I want, yeah   So what does it mean? When you’re singing with me All the old songs that we both know And I’m yours The lyrics The sway And it’s all in the way that Baby, I’m all yours Current Mood: loved
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Monday, March 9th, 2009
2:38 pm	<3 Well, I may be epic failing at school this semester, but I'm so happy I really don't care. Not talking to Shawn anymore, he's been deleted from phone and facebook. And I'm seeing somebody. And he's really cute. <3
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Monday, January 12th, 2009
10:07 pm	Cough...Dead...Cough So, two day fast begins tonight at Midnight. I don't post very often on LJ anymore, but I'll be abstaining for the next two to nine days from any Facebook, LJ, or Myspace related activities, as well as fasting for the next two days from any non bread and water food related activities. So, I figured one last update for fun's sake. Class sucks. Not all class, just the one I had today. Precalc + trig in one class = dead Jessica for the next few months. Ugh. Not only is the class about 500 dollars, but the books were almost 200. I would love to spend this much money on a class I actually enjoy, like a science class, but this is just awful. Also, we spent about 20 minutes today reviewing from algebra 2. 20 minutes reviewing an entire semester of work. My brain liquified. Um... what else? I've become completely asexual. As in, I'm not interested in anyone or anything. I've been checking out guys occasionally, but not really feeling that flutter. So eventual I will get over this, hopefully. I can't really think of anything else to say, besides good luck at your first week of classes guys! Or, if you started last week, good luck at your second! - J Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Caterwaul- ...Trail of dead
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Sunday, November 16th, 2008
12:01 am	Ok, so life doesn't suck? This week was bad, and when I say bad I mean really, really awful. I stayed up pretty much every night until three in the morning trying to finish homework, which was really bad because two of those days I had to be up at 8. Eeeee. Then, the week got better. I found out that I did pretty well on my econ assignment, which is awesome because I epic failed the last one. I found out that I get to go to the DC premiere of twilight on tuesday for free, which is kind of ironic and funny because I haven't even read the books. Lol. Also, I got a new phone, the samsung behold. It is sexiness times infinity. I am in the process of naming it, and am currently between Aiden and Alastair. It is pink and silver, and a touch screen phone. It came with a one gig micro sd, and has a music player, a 5 megapixel camera, and many other smexy features. I got it for 150, and I would really recommend it to anyone with t mobile. Anywho, pitch over now. I am literally counting down the days to thanksgiving holiday, I need a break so bad. Everything is just piling up, and it's getting harder and harder to deal with. I know I shouldn't complain about college cause I'm lucky to get to go, and there's a lot of people who wish that they could afford it, but it's hard as hell. Oh well, I'm sure it will get better. Also, not talking to Darby anymore, and I'm pretty sure this time it's final. Cell it for details. Current Music: I don't care- Apocalyptica+ Adam G
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Sunday, October 19th, 2008
9:34 pm	Stolled from the Keelley Bold the ones that are true. Italicize the ones that are "kind of" true. ♫ I am 5'4 or shorter. ♫ I think I'm ugly. ♫ I have many scars. ♫ I tan easily. ♫ I wish my hair was a different color. ♫ I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. ♫ I have a tattoo. ♫ I am self-conscious about my appearance. ♫ I have/have had braces. ♫ I wear glasses. (contacts) ♫ I'd get plastic surgery. ♫ I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. ♫ I have had more than two piercings. ♫ I have freckles. (many, many freckles) family/home life ♫ I've sworn at my parents. ♫ I've run away from home before. ♫ I've been kicked out of my home before. ♫ My biological parents are still together. ♫ I have a sibling less than one year old. ♫ I want children someday. (Four or five, Damien, Seth and/or Murphy, Charlotte, and Blair) ♫ I have children. ♫ I've lost a child. ( Dee rest ) Current Mood: blah Current Music: Foreigner- Hot blooded
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Sunday, September 28th, 2008
5:55 pm	Long time no see So, really busy with school, but I figured I could procrastinate a little this weekend by watching a lot of episodes of Dexter, which I'm really into now, and getting back into Chevelle. So, for your eye candy viewing pleasure- www.youtube.com/watch There's more, but embedding isn't allowed. Boo Current Music: The red- chevelle
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